Embracing Uncertainty

It seems that everyone has anxiety these days. The reality is there is much to be anxious about. If you open your phone, scroll social media or catch a glimpse of the news you are bound to find something distressing. We are bombarded with endless information and have a difficult time filtering what is necessary and relevant to our lives. Everything seems important. We live in a constant state of overstimulation and chaos.

Twenty-four hours of access to information creates scenarios in which decision-making becomes impossible. We agonize over the most mundane things like what is the best brand of diapers to buy to the more monumental things like what do I do after high school. This often leads to a feeling of paralysis. When in a state of paralysis, we often feel out of control of ourselves and our situation.

Anxiety is the number one issue that brings clients to my practice. What I have noticed is that it boils down to a feeling of lack of control and fear of the unknown. As humans, we thrive on a sense of order, a plan, and control over our destiny. With so much information coming at us all of the time we tend to feel a lack of control and become anxious. The anxiety often shows up as overthinking, self-doubt and avoidance. We create what-if and worst-case scenarios in our heads. Our sense of reasoning and rationalization goes out the window. This takes the joy out of living and many aren’t living the life they want. We avoid taking risks due to fear and at the moment that feels safe however, in the long run, you are only left feeling frustrated.

Putting a band-aid, aka avoiding doesn’t solve the fear you are experiencing it only reinforces it. I’m not going to go to the work happy hour because “what-if” no one talks to me. Instead, I’ll just go home and watch Netflix. As I nestle on my couch with a glass of wine I feel relief that I didn’t go and put myself in that situation. Shortly after my relief, I feel a sense of dread that I am again home alone and missing out on connecting with others.

So in the short term, you feel relief that you dodged an anxiety-provoking situation however it is only a quick fix and doesn’t get to the underlying cause of avoidance.

All us experience fear from time to time; fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of something bad happening. Some amount of fear is normal and protective. Anxiety and worry can keep us safe and also motivate us when necessary. However, the anxiety I often see in clients is impairing their quality of life. It can impact relationships, experiences, opportunities, and self-esteem. So many feel a complete lack of control over their anxiety and often say to me “I don’t know what to do”.

Embrace uncertainty. Accept that you are not always going to be in control. For some this is attainable for others this feels impossible. Now more than ever we live in a world of great uncertainty. We have a choice, whether to accept that we can’t control everything or succumb to the feelings of helplessness. Instead of saying “what if something bad happens, try saying what if something good happens”. This is a practice, a mental shift. It is not easy when things seem so unknown and chaotic.

However, I assure you that changing the words you tell yourself will in time create that control you are seeking and improve your quality of living.